“Fjord, what is a lesbian?”
Fjord stumbles on a root.
“What?”
“What is a lesbian?” asks Yasha, again. “Caleb called me a lesbian, earlier.”
Fjord feels his face grow red. Yasha was married , he shouldn’t have to give her the birds and the bees talk, but then again, it sounds like she wasn’t supposed to marry a woman. Her tribe wouldn’t have given her words for it.
“Oh. Uh…”
“Is it a Zemnian word?”
“No, no, it’s Common. I know what it means. Uh,” says Fjord, trying to find the right phrasing. “It means, usually, a woman who, um, loves women. Exclusively.”
“Oh, like a monogamous relationship?” asks Yasha, pronouncing the words slowly, like she’s trying to remember their definitions.
“Yes, no, well, it doesn’t have to be. I mean. It’s when you’re, um, gay, but a woman. Like a woman who doesn’t like men, in that way.”
“Oh!” says Yasha, surprised. “I didn’t know there was a word for that.”
“Yup,” says Fjord, hoping this will be the end of it. He knows his face is beet-red. Yasha doesn’t say anything for several moments, as they cross a shallow stream.
“Are there other words for things like that?”
“Like, sexual orientations?” asks Fjord.
“I suppose. Is that what it’s called? Back home they… They always talk about it like a mistake. Like everyone loves the, the opposite sex, and you’re assigned a mate that way, and if you do something against that, it’s a mistake. A very bad mistake. Like you’re denying your true nature.”
“That’s terrible,” says Fjord. “I’m really sorry.”
“I see now that it’s not like that everywhere. When I met Molly, and he was just… Molly could love anybody, and nobody was upset about that. Well, he made some people upset, but I think it was because he broke their hearts, not because there was something wrong with him.”
Fjord chuckled a little, but it struck him again how badly Yasha had been treated in her homeland.
“Yes. In most places I’ve been, people don’t always even need to use words to explain it. They just… Like. Okay,” says Fjord, collecting his thoughts. “If I’m interested in someone, I let them know, and if they’re not interested in me, they let me know. Maybe it’s because they don’t like men, maybe it’s because they don’t like me specifically. It doesn’t really matter.”
“That sounds nice…” says Yasha. “It’s nice to have words for it, too, though.”
“I suppose,” says Fjord.
“Back in my tribe we weren’t supposed to even acknowledge that it existed. A word… That gives it meaning. Power.”
Fjord thinks about this for a moment.
“I’ve never really thought about it that way.”
“Molly told me he was genderfluid. I like that word. I don’t think it’s my word, but it’s… Cool.”
Fjord nods. He hadn’t talked about that openly with Molly, and truth to be told, Molly’s overt bisexuality had been a bit of a surprise to him. Fjord was used to a more discrete situation on the Menagerie Coast. Sailors could kiss men in alleyways, leave before dawn, and the worst they got was getting teased about one’s “friend” from the bar. But with women, they could be more overt, more romantic: kisses on the dock, love letters, commitment.
“Where I grew up,” he finally tells Yasha, “we didn’t always use words for it, either. It wasn’t really talked about, in a good or a bad way. It was kind of assumed you could do whatever you want, but you’re gonna end up, you know, married with babies. There were a few people who didn’t. But, you know: ask me no questions, I’ll tell you no lies.”
“I’m sorry,” says Yasha. “That doesn’t sound very good either.”
“Yeah.”
“Do you have a word?” she asks.
Fjord had just returned to his normal colour, but he blushes again.
“I— I’m not sure, I guess I… B— Bi? Bisexual?”
“What does that mean? Bi… Two?”
“Yeah. No. I don’t know. It means… Many? I guess, I, I’ve dated women, and men, and I guess there’s some people who are, ah, like Molly, and I wouldn’t count them out…”
“That’s good,” says Yasha. Fjord feels her looking at him intensely. Yasha’s not the most insightful of the Mighty Nein, but in this moment, he thinks she sees right through him. “You haven’t talked about this before, have you?”
“Not really, no,” he admits.
“I’m sorry I brought it up.”
“No, no no no, don’t be sorry,” says Fjord. “This is… This is good.”
“What do you think I am?” she asks.
“Oh. Um. Do you… Do you like men? In that way?”
“No, I don’t think so, no,” says Yasha.
“But you like women? In a… sexual way?” asks Fjord, and thankfully, Yasha joins him in blushing. She nods.
“What about people like Molly? Genderfluid?” he asks, hoping he has the right word. Yasha thinks about this for a moment, and shrugs.
“I guess it depends. Molly was just a friend.”
“Then you’re probably a lesbian,” says Fjord, though he’s hesitant to give someone else a label. “Or some people just say gay.”
“Gay,” says Yasha, considering it. “Lesbian. Hm. I don’t mind both.”
“Good, that’s good, you don’t have to pick.”
“Does that mean Beau is like me, also? Caleb called us both lesbians.”
Fjord looks ahead at Beauregard, who is talking quietly with Vilya.
“You’d have to ask her. But it seems like it, to me,” says Fjord.
“Did Caleb mean… Does Caleb think we are lesbians together?” asks Yasha. Fjord stammers for a moment.
“I don’t think that’s what he meant, but—”
“I think I would like that,” says Yasha, softly.
“Oh. Uh. Cool. Cool.”
Fjord is glad he and Yasha had that conversation. He’s a little embarrassed about it, though, when Yasha mouths “bisexual?” at him, across the campfire, while he’s talking with Caduceus, her eyebrow raised.
“ Fuck off, ” he mouths back.
“What?” asks Caduceus, and Fjord’s face is very, very red once again.